The Heartache of Disappointment

I remember finding the first text, I stood in my room full of disbelief. I remember feeling like I had failed my kids. I remember looking in the mirror and not understanding who I was anymore. For years, I carried so many different emotions, over all the different experiences that were taking place in my life.  

Some days I was angry, sad, frustrated, confused, and some days I felt completely numb. One thing after another, for several years, catches up to you eventually. When someone asked me if I was disappointed with the way some of the things in my life had turned out, I was quick to respond with what I thought was the good, Christian answer, “Of course not, I’m not disappointed.”

I remember wrestling with the tension of my response that evening as God invited me to honestly share the possibility of feeling the heartache of disappointment. For the next few years, God began to take me on a journey that would change me and my ability to pray honest prayers. The kind of prayers that allowed me to honestly share my whole heart.

I felt like feeling disappointed made me ungrateful. I thought it was some how wrong to feel disappointed. It was in my process of learning to give myself permission to honor exactly how I felt, and begin to trust that God cared about that too, that I discovered the truth of what I was actually feeling. I was feeling disappointed. Disappointed with the way my marriage was going. Disappointed that I couldn’t save my kids from all the pain. I felt disappointed with the fact that I couldn’t keep my loved ones from realizing that I was hurting. I felt disappointed with how others responded to what I was going through. I felt disappointed with myself for even feeling disappointed. The heartache of disappointment digs deep and can feel incredibly painful.

Friends, it took some time, but God allowed me to see that feeling disappointed is not a sin. He is not disappointed with us when we feel or express our disappointment. In fact, He draws closer, acknowledges our pain, and desires to heal us. If you’re feeling disappointed with a certain area of your life, please know that God cares to meet you right where you’re at.

I have seen the faithfulness of God meet me right in the middle of my pain, even if that includes feeling disappointed. I want to encourage you to invite Him into your pain. I have a feeling you won’t be disappointed with the love He so faithfully offers when we are hurting.